How arrogant of you,
I thought, to think
she might still
be looking. And yet
I was looking myself,
so who can tell?
And yes, I worried
about how it looked
because I knew
how sharp she was,
how perceptive,
even when she was wrong.
As she is now.
I worried because I know
how she tortures
herself, how her fertile,
romantic mind makes
those exponential leaps,
how her imagination sizzles
with images, scenarios,
with passionate and fiery
possibilities.
In some ways, it’s one of
her best qualities.
But even though
I’d been thinking
silence
was best,
having already caused her
more than enough pain and heartache,
I could not bear the thought
of her experiencing even more
because of me, especially
when there was no basis for it.
So please make no mistake:
there are no
good morning messages
from New Jersey
(I swear on my life)
or from anywhere else
please know
there is only a single
set of moon & stars
still hanging on the universe
of my office wall
& floating through
the cosmos
of my heart.
and when the
bathroom door
closes, I promise you,
New England has nothing
to do with it.
And further
make no mistake:
Because no yellow star arcs
its way across the sky
each evening
tying here to there,
I am left grieving
and lost on the edge
of this lonely coast
with no tether
to the Earth.
and further make
no mistake:
the most romantic thoughts
I have right now
(1/22/15)
(1/22/15)
concern
An unfolding rose
A floral print comforter
An empty park in the almost Spring
And those slatted blinds
And do not even
make the mistake of
not knowing
that there is so much
that I miss.
Like all of it.
But even in the midst
of my own private
and painful emptiness
I still know there
are times
(like now)
(like now)
when
the most awful choice
is best, and really, the
only thing I've learned lately
is that there is
no good way
to break a heart.
only thing I've learned lately
is that there is
no good way
to break a heart.
